Busy. I don't know if I love or hate this word. I think what it comes down to is that I like being busy because that means that I'm not sitting around doing nothing wasting my life. There are so many things I want to do and see, places to visit, friends to meet, ways I want to help out, books to read and just all around beauty I want to experience in the world that this makes me want to be busy. I have always appreciated the words of Thoreau when he says he wants to " live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." Or those of Jesus when he says " I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"
Even though I like being busy I don't like feeling busy. I like doing lots of things but hate the feeling of having things hanging over me or the feelings that my schedule is completely booked. The things is thought that due dates and full schedules are part of the deal. I get to experience a lot of awesome things because I'm in the game and the times when I find myself the least satisfied is when I find that I have nothing to do and instead I'm just watching other people do everything.
My simple conclusion is that what I really need is not so much more free time, because honestly I have more than enough, but what I need is a change of prospective. I need to remember that so many of my most rewarding moments came from being willing to do things and not just sitting around hoping something great comes my way. It's in remembering that being tired isn't always a bad things. That sometimes sacrificing a little bit of comfort is worth it to build/see/contribute/experience something bigger than yourself.
I want to temper this post by saying that I think rest is important. We all need times of rest but my problem is I think I need more than I do. And when I get all of the rest I inevitably get bored or lonely or whatever.
I'm tired of feeling busy but looking forward to a busy day/month/year/life. Here's to being busy. Here's to living.
