Busy

Busy. I don't know if I love or hate this word. I think what it comes down to is that I like being busy because that means that I'm not sitting around doing nothing wasting my life. There are so many things I want to do and see, places to visit, friends to meet, ways I want to help out, books to read and just all around beauty I want to experience in the world that this makes me want to be busy. I have always appreciated the words of Thoreau when he says he wants to " live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." Or those of Jesus when he says " I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"

Even though I like being busy I don't like feeling busy. I like doing lots of things but hate the feeling of having things hanging over me or the feelings that my schedule is completely booked. The things is thought that due dates and full schedules are part of the deal. I get to experience a lot of awesome things because I'm in the game and the times when I find myself the least satisfied is when I find that I have nothing to do and instead I'm just watching other people do everything.

My simple conclusion is that what I really need is not so much more free time, because honestly I have more than enough, but what I need is a change of prospective. I need to remember that so many of my most rewarding moments came from being willing to do things and not just sitting around hoping something great comes my way. It's in remembering that being tired isn't always a bad things. That sometimes sacrificing a little bit of comfort is worth it to build/see/contribute/experience something bigger than yourself.

I want to temper this post by saying that I think rest is important. We all need times of rest but my problem is I think I need more than I do. And when I get all of the rest I inevitably get bored or lonely or whatever.

I'm tired of feeling busy but looking forward to a busy day/month/year/life. Here's to being busy. Here's to living.

A Good Week

This past week I had a really good week. I think it is important to verbalize this as all too often I feel like I complain about stuff in my life instead of looking at all the good things I've been given.

This was a week of balance. Time for reading and for watching Lost with my roommate. Good food cooked at home but with a few meals in restaurants. Time of fellowship at the pool hall and time alone. Warm sunny afternoons and cold crisp nights. Time to exercise and time to sleep in. Busy afternoons and quite nights. Thoughts of the future and preparation for tomorrows.

I'm sure I complained this week both out loud and to myself but I wish that I hadn't. I think we have good weeks and even great weeks all the time we are just too self absorbed to see them. We imagine that for things to be good they should work out exactly as we wished. What a boring world that would be! Like they say: "Life is what happens to you while you're making plans".

Take a minute to think back on your week maybe it was better than you thought.

This weekend has been the calm before the storm. Next week we start our first full week of classes. Overall I'm ready for it. Ready for a routine and to start teaching again. I know I'm not the best teacher in the world by any stretch of the imagination but I do know I love teaching. I hope that is something I can keep up. I know a lot of teachers that have got burned out on teaching and I have to admit that part of me is afraid I will go to school and spend all this money and time to get a teaching degree and end up one of those teachers spending the last 10-15 years of their career waiting out the clock. I know a lot of these teachers might even still enjoy teaching but they can't stand the bureaucracy that more and more seems to be enveloping all aspects of the job.

I'm lucky that teaching over here in the Czech Republic I've been able to avoid the worst of it. Part of me wonders if I'll be able to adjust to teaching in America or if it is just in this particular situation that I like. In the end though I feel like there are some things I will like better and other things I won't but I guess I have to actually try teaching in America before I can really say too much more on the topic. So here's hoping.

Anyway like I said I'm ready for a routine. It's hard for me to get anything done with one. I love taking break and vacations but I like feeling that I earned one first. I feel like this year is going to be a lot of work but I'm looking forward to it. Like Thomas Paine says: "it is dearness only that gives everything its value". Now be sure to remind me of this when I'm flooded with school work both from my students and for my teachers!

Psalm 8

This morning I was reading Psalm 8 and it just reminded me of what I wrote the other day and how I often feel when I get the chance to get outdoors and walk among creation.

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

The psalmist after considering the beauty of the world around him and of man himself has only one possible response to praise God for his amazing gift.

O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

This is why I love to hike or walk outside. To be reminded of this and to join the psalmist in his adoration.

Carolina

Spoke too soon about not having jet lag. I slept in too late this morning thinking it wouldn't hurt but I'm now suffering the consequences of hubris. I'm now hoping that the combination of blog writing, a night cap and James Taylor will get me to sleep before 2 am.

James just went out to Carolina in his mind and I think I'll join him for a while. At the moment I'm in the foothills sometime in the mid fall. The leaves have started to change and the hills have turned from rolling emeralds to the wild reds, yellows and oranges of a cheerful campfire. The color bedazzles the eye and the soul drinks in the moment of beauty and friendship and warmth. This is a place where every vista is worth hours of hiking for and where friendships are cemented in sweat and adventure and real conversations. Here you find hidden places and wondered if they've ever been burdened by the cares of a transient like myself. Here you long for eternity because finite time is too fickle and compels you to leave before your soul has had it's fill of color. Here you look out at the horizon and wonder aloud the deep questions of the heart some of which are answered and others that drift on into the distance never to be fully understand till we pass these terrestrial bounds.

As suddenly as Carolina comes she goes leaving behind just a faint promise of a distant future and a lingering hope of beauty and life. Now concerns of sleep and tomorrows both close at hand and those far away will call me back but I know that Carolina is out there and one day I'll find her.

Thanks James.

Back?

It's midnight on the night before I head back to the Czech Republic for my 6th year and though I'm tired both physically and emotionally I'm not ready for bed. So instead I go about wasting time in the usual fashion: TV, facebook and reading the news. When I'm this tired I know that I should go to bed but some part of me feels compelled to stay up. At the moment I'm wondering if that part of me is afraid of wasting my life or afraid of living it. In theory I don't want to miss out on life but I know that I often turn from those things that would bring growth to my soul and mind and instead settle for the warm comforts of stagnation.

This preamble is to say that I once again going to try and blog. I think that I like to write but often I don't do it and instead find a million other ways to waste my time. One problem I have with writing blogs can be summed up in the following quote from Pliny the Elder:

"True glory consists in doing what deserves to be written; in writing what deserves to be read; and in so living as to make the world happier and better for our living in it."

To make both our lives and our words have meaning is a momentous and sacred charge and although I agree with it in principal the casual blog writer may at times find this sentiment more oppressive than inspirational. I will try my best to both live and write according to Pliny's mantra but I will instead take for myself the less illustrious muse the old adage "that if something is worth doing, it is worth doing badly". I feel that the process of writing is worth something even if my themes or style lack something to be desired.

So onward and upward. I hope this is the beginning of a new blogging season and the beginning of stealing back a little bit more life from the vast pool of wasted time.

more summer pics